So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize