What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize