Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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