I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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