I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
