cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
