I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
