I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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