batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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