just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
