It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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