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Fuck appropriateness.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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