started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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