We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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