just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
