watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
