You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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