We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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