true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
