my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
