Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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