the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
