Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
