Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
