I think I died a long time ago.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
