I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
