I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
