it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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