Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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