so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
