i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize