They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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