if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
