Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
