$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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