I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
