my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
