so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
