I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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