Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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