mondays should just be called national damage control day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
