I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
