i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
