grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
