i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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