They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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