I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
