The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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