I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
