God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
