The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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