Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
