Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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