I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
