I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
