also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
