Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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