ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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