Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
