I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
