theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
