I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
