you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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