i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize