I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
