sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
