I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
