He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I did not marry a roomba.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
