I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize